plus one = three?

Invariably this topic will be explored in a relationship, whether it is current or back in those wild and crazy college days. He's interested in having another woman in your bed, she's interested in having another man, they're both interested in having another woman, whatever the case may be there's discussion of another. (I'm going with the hetero/bi model here, not because of a bias, but because my experience has been talking with women married to men.)

I think the common professional notion about this is: if you are looking for sex elsewhere, then there is something deeply wrong with your current relationship. While sometimes this is definitely the case, what happens when it's not? What happens when your current relationship is filled with bliss, but it's one of those fantasies you've dreamed about but never acted upon? Is it really any different than buying lingerie that is not your usual style? Or suddenly deciding that always wearing your favorite baseball cap during sex is just the thing to do? Yes, these things appear to be smaller, but are they really? Aren't they just another aspect of your sexuality?

So, let's say that your current relationship is wonderful. There is no reason to call it quits and you're just looking to explore new things. If you've been in a short term relationship, I think this has potential. If you've been in a long term relationship it is also possible. The issues that can arise from such escapades are fast and furious, like a river flooding after the spring melt, but it is possible. IF you can find a stable person who is willing to join you. And that would appear to be the key factor!

This third person needs to be willing to wedge themselves between the two of you sexually, without getting too attached emotionally. You need to be upfront with them from the very beginning. Letting them know from the start your current relationship is solid and you do not want it to change. Is this possible? For some it will be, for others it is just asking for disaster.

When you add another person, you are not just adding in another body. There's a heart and mind attached, and for most, sex equals emotional attachment. Being completely honest in the beginning is insurance on the possibilities of later.

What happens if one of you falls for the third party? Well, then your relationship wasn't really as solid as you first thought and the act never should have happened, but since it did it can't be undone and that topic should probably be explored in another post.